Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
A+ Viking dick
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
