got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
