When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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