I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
