is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
