Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Randomize
