I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
