yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
