it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
