Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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