Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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