Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
