When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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