my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
