we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
