So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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