Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
