He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
