If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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