i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
A bitchslap is in order.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
