My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
