i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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