im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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