Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
