How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Randomize
