woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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