I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
