Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I forget how to act sober
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