I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
