She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
