Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
