Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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