I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
