i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
