Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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