He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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