everyone is single if you try hard enough
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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