I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
