fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
where are you?
Hypothermia
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
