So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
