Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
