pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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