you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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