I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
my phone needs a breathalizer
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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