You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
