remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Randomize
