y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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