Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
