Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
