My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
