ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
